Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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