Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
