But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
