You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
