So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize