it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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