my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
