2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
