Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
