Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
