you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
