i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
