im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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