well you can't waste a boner
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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