Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
