you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
