i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
