i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
there is glitter all over my balls
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
