im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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