Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
