Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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