Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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