i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
