OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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