I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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