the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
