i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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