I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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