she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
