I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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