I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I deserve this hangover.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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