I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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