should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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