I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize