Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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