My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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