his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
