Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
