I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My ass is underappreciated
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
