chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
