I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
