You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
