I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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