At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
