we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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