I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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