Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
