my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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