I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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