if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
