I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
