i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
