census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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