She is in my trunk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
