I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
