guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
