I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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