If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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