he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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