Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You pole danced in your parka.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
