In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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