Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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