No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Found the puke drawer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
