And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
