Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
