I accidentally had phone sex last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize