you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am available for nakedness
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
