apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
