my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
