So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
