capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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