we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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