We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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