she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Drunk is not a location!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
