i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
