the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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