too bad you live with your parents still
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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