So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
