It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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