My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
