i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
