Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
