Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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