i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The uberlube is also flammable
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
