That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
