in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
