You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
