dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
