My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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