She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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