My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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