You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
