The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize