I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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