you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
