It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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