But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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