Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
