I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
