Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
