All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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